08.05.05 'What I Believe' by steve martin

What I Believe.

• "I believe in rainbows and puppy dogs and fairy tales.
• And I believe in the family - Mom and Dad and Grandma.. and Uncle Tom, who waves his penis.
• And I believe 8 of the 10 Commandments.
• And I believe in going to church every Sunday, unless there's a game on.
• And I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, wholesome and natural things.. that money can buy.
• And I believe it's derogatory to refer to a woman's breasts as "boobs", "jugs", "winnebagos" or "golden bozos".. and that you should only refer to them as "hooters".
• And I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal.. high enough so you can look up her dress.
• And I believe in equality, equality for everyone.. no matter how stupid they are, or how much better I am than they are.
• And, people say I'm crazy for believing this, but I believe that robots are stealing my luggage.
• And I believe I made a mistake when I bought a 30-story 1-bedroom apartment.
• And I believe the Battle of the Network Stars should be fought with guns.
• And I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was - an arctic region covered with ice.
• And, lastly, I believe that of all the evils on this earth, there is nothing worse than the music you're listening to right now.

That's what I believe.