Nice Work if You Can Get It...or Hot Smurf Ass?

LONDON (AFP) - It is one of the most fundamental -- and, for men, potentially hazardous -- questions of modern life, for which academics now hope to provide the definitive answer: "Does my bum look big in this?"

The School of Textiles and Design at Heriot-Watt University in Edinburgh have begun what is believed to be the world's first-ever study on how women's clothing affects the bottom.

Models with variously sized posteriors will wear different types of clothing as part of the research, which will examine how designs, colours, patterns and fabric types affect perception.

Others will be asked to assess how big or small each model's backside appears to look in the outfits.

"This study will provide for the first time detailed and usable information that would enable designers to make the clothes that help women make the most of their natural assets," said Dr Lisa Macintyre, who is leading the study.

Still Got It

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 9/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

Persons of the Year

*just a little side note from me. I've never been a Bono fan until recently. I'm weary of people with just one name like Cher, Madonna, Sting and Bono. I didn't jump on the U2 bandwagon but I don't tend to be the first to love a group anyway. Geeze, it took me like 3-4 seasons before I 'discovered' Seinfeld. I still don't watch Everybody Loves Raymond for crying out loud. I am not one of those Kill Bill Gates people either. I happen to think a monopoly isn't a bad thing when it comes to computers and software. The cool thing about him is that he has given away more money than anyone on the planet. He wants to cure disease and educate people. Bono wants to do the same and together, with Bill's wife Melinda have set out to make a change in the world. I think they are a wonderful choice for Persons of the Year, they are changing the world for the better. Here is the article from Time magazine, reprinted without permission (of course)

These are not the people you expect to come to the rescue. Rock stars are designed to be shiny, shallow creatures, furloughed from reality for all time. Billionaires are even more removed, nestled atop fantastic wealth where they never again have to place their own calls or defrost dinner or fly commercial. So Bono spends several thousand dollars at a restaurant for a nice Pinot Noir, and Bill Gates, the great predator of the Internet age, has a trampoline room in his $100 million house. It makes you think that if these guys can decide to make it their mission to save the world, partner with people they would never otherwise meet, care about causes that are not sexy or dignified in the ways that celebrities normally require, then no one really has a good excuse anymore for just staying on the sidelines and watching.

Such is the nature of Bono's fame that just about everyone in the world wants to meet him--except for the richest man in the world, who thought it would be a waste of time. "World health is immensely complicated," says Gates, recalling that first encounter in 2002. "It doesn't really boil down to a 'Let's be nice' analysis. So I thought a meeting wouldn't be all that valuable."

It took about three minutes with Bono for Gates to change his mind. Bill and his wife Melinda, another computer nerd turned poverty warrior, love facts and data with a tenderness most people reserve for their children, and Bono was hurling metrics across the table as fast as they could keep up. "He was every bit the geek that we are," says Gates Foundation chief Patty Stonesifer, who helped broker that first summit. "He just happens to be a geek who is a fantastic musician."

more of the story...

"Nun Bun" on the Run....

NASHVILLE (Reuters) - Nashville police and residents were searching Monday for clues to the Christmas Day theft of a cinnamon bun that found unlikely fame for its resemblance to the late Mother Teresa's face. The bun has been a draw for curious tourists since it was preserved and put on display in a glass case at the shop where it was discovered by a customer in 1996.
"What I can't figure out is why anyone would steal it," said the shop's owner, Bob Bernstein. "They can't sell it on eBay, it's not fit to eat, there was no ransom note and the police put its value at only $25 on their report."
Bernstein said the thief broke into the coffee house at 6 a.m. Sunday, and had smashed the glass case containing the bun, ignoring cash lying nearby.
Before her death in 1997, Nobel Peace Prize winner Mother Teresa wrote to Bernstein asking that her name not be used commercially. The pastry became known simply as the "Nun Bun."

A Christmas Story

Christmas has come and gone and it was another good one. The kids got everything they wanted this year, as they do most years. Dylan's big item gift was a 2 gig I-Pod Nano. He knew he was getting it so all I could think of doing to throw him a curveball was to wrap in up in a HUGE box, then another box, then another box, then another box, then the I-Pod. It was funny. He got a kick out of it as did Grif and Dana. Griffin's big item toy was a Thomas the Tank Engine lego set, plus a gameboy game, plus some Hot Wheels, plus some building toys and ton's of other things. I remember wanting certain gifts as a kid and not getting them. Like there was this really cool car wash toy and I never got it, but Frankie across the street got it. All of this reminds me of my favorite Christmas movie, A Christmas Story. Who can't relate to poor Ralphie.









The funny thing is while I always loved the movie and identified with Ralphie, I have become The Old Man in many ways. I obviously don't come home and expect dinner to be on the table or anything like that, but I can be kind of a grouch, swear at things going wrong in the house and still be rather likeable. Plus, I can get excited about silly things like winning a major award.
The Leg Lamp. The Leg Lamp always cracked me up. I thought it was so silly, but I never imagined that they existed anywhere else but in the movie. Well I was wrong. There is someone who lives around the corner from us who has a Leg Lamp in their window. It's the funniest thing to drive by and see this thing glowing in all it's glory. I did a little googling of the lamps and found that is a place where you can order the original Leg Lamp for only $69.99 complete with a certificate of a National Award. I hope that I get a Leg Lamp one of these days. That would be as good as an official Red Ryder Carbon Action 200 shot range model air rifle.

Merry Christmas

	If the movie doesn't play, you can try this link or right click it and save to the desktop.

Windows Media Player for Mac

ZeFrank.com

I am a big fan of ZeFrank. I have a link to his site on the right side of my site under Cool Links but I don't know how many of you have checked him out (I know some of you have) He has some very funny stuff there. I personally like the Educational Videos the best, but it is all worth a look see. Below is an email that I got from him today:

its been a while. i've missed you.

this is my official gift to you this season:
here's a place you can make and send your own home-made holiday cards:

after the holidays it will continue as a space where you can create a variety of online art and save it to your own personal gallery.

here's an excerpt from a recent DVD here

in case any of you want to relive the Matt Lauer/Tom Cruise debate in alien performance style:

lots of other fun little things...but I'll let you look around if you are interested.

have a safe and happy holiday season.

I like you very much.

ze

Joseph Campbell - The Power of Myth

I'm not a religious or very spiritual person, but I really like what this man had to say:
-Joseph Campbell (1904-1987)

"Read myths. They teach you that you can turn inward, and you begin to get the message of the symbols. Read other people's myths, not those of your own religion, because you tend to interpret your own religion in terms of facts - but if you read the other ones, you begin to get the message. Myth helps you to put your mind in touch with this experience of being alive. Myth tells you what the experience is."

(from The Power of Myth)

Web Sites Let Users Send E-Mail to Future

NEW YORK - In the year 2009, on the 25th of April, a man named Greg is supposed to get an e-mail. The e-mail will remind Greg that he is his best friend and
worst enemy, that he once dated a woman named Michelle, and that he planned to
major in computer science.

"More importantly," the e-mail says, "are you
wearing women's clothing?"

The e-mail was sent by none other than Greg
himself — through a Web site called FutureMe.org

I guess this is supposed to be a news flash? I've always thought that the United States Postal Service has been doing this for YEARS. At least they seem to be doing this with my mail. How many times have you sent a letter cross town, only to have it get there like 3 weeks later. So now the World wide Web has caught up with the USPS. Everything old is new again like the saying goes.

The rest of the story

Public Service Announcement # 2

It was a strange week. It was the 1 year anniversary of a good friend's untimely death, I also found out a friend of mine from grade school has cancer too (as does her brother and sister) although I got good news on the tumor shrinkage, I've had a cold for the past few days and I am having some side effects that are now effecting my feet, not to mention some BS that the internet can breed that just plain old bummed me out. So f-it I say. Life is too short, I want this to be what I intended it to be, someplace to have fun and give some useless information. Which brings me to the second part of this post. I've wanted to blog about this for many months and since I have nothing funny to post, now is a good a time as any. I think many of you are aware of this, but I know some of you are not. There are these things called site meters that many people have on their pages . The logo looks something like this sucker, or they can be hidden so unless you look at their HTML code, you may not know that the Blogger is tracking who goes to your site, how long they stay, where they came from, and where they went to. I think it's pretty cool in a way and I have actually meet some people by seeing who visited and then visiting their site and the rest, is blogger history. It also tells you what OS they are using, what browser, etc. It's also bad is you are of the ilk who likes to leave annonymous comments then split. They may not be as annoymous as you may think. Not only can you view who came and went, but so can anyone else. You stats are available to the general public. So, in all fairness and to make a level playing field, I just want everyone to know that I have a meter installed, which means if you are into sex with baby porpoises (and you know who you are, unless that was me - yikes), I may just see that you had visited www.sexwithbabyporpoises.com before you came to my site. I rarely even check the meter anymore, but it's there.
Now back to the regular crap...

So I Had a Mental Fart

I was here, then I left, now I'm back. All in less time it took to clean our oven. I'm still working on the saucepan though. This was shorter than my other hiatus. See what happens when I miss a treatment...

Another Pot Gone to Pot

Take my wife's cooking, PLEASE!!! I did a post a few months ago about my wife's cooking. I use this term loosely. I called her today from work and having the keen sense a man gets from being married to someone for 16+ years, I knew she either smashed the car, or burned the hell out of something. She tells me that she was trying to steam veggies. Now, there are only two tings you need in order to steam veggies. One of them are veggies, the other is water. Oh, I forgot, you need to know how to boil water. So needless to say, she forgot to put water in the pot. Now Dana cooks at one temperature. FULL BLAST. There is no simmer, no moderate heat, only FULL BLAST. Needless to say, after some amount of minutes, she noticed that the house stinks of burning vegetable matter. She was only in the next room so I don't quite understand how the pot got so melted but here it is. The other photo is from her famous apple sauce recipe.
































































I wish I was reading someone else's blog sometimes
Exhibit C: Molten Metal from the bottom of the pan

Do Not Call

I posted this once before, but I thought it was funny.
It's from ZeFrank.com

1. Use a husky, dirty phone sex voice but ask normal questions about the proposed offer.
“Is it a low interest rate? mmmmm…I like low interest rates…really low…”

2. In an outrageously excited tone: “Thank god you called!!!” Explain that an online psychic told you that your future lover would randomly call disguised as an asshole.

3. Say you are hard of hearing and see how loud they will shout into the phone.

4. Allow the telemarketer to fully explain his offer. When he is finished explain that his company hired you to randomly spot check telemarketers on their performance. Tell him that he did a good job overall, but that he is a bit monotone and needs to fluctuate his tone of voice more to sound convincing. He also should pause longer between sentences, and more clearly pronounce the letter “s”. Tell him you won’t report him if he repeats his speech to you with the appropriate corrections. Repeat.

5. Be incredibly polite as they explain their offer, but make farting noises once in a while and ask whether there is something wrong with the connection.

6. In an annoyed tone cut the telemarketer off mid sentence : “Dan, stop screwing around…we have to get rid of this body fast, did you find a chainsaw or not?”

7. “Congratulations! You’re the 100th caller on the (insert local radio station) Sweet Vacation Giveaway Blast Marathon. You’ve just won a pair of tickets to Negril, Jamaica and the use of Sean Paul’s celebrity vacation house.” Take down her address and send her all of your L.L.Bean catalogues for the rest of your life...after you use them as liner for your cat’s litter box.

8. Flirt.

9. Keep repeating, “I knew you were going to say that…”

10. Stutter on a syllable of an obvious word in a sentence… see how long it takes before he completes the phrase. When he does, get upset, and say “That really hurts my fee…fee… fee… fee…feel…fee… fee… fee…” ad infinitum.

11. Pee on the phone while he’s talking.

12. Mid pitch, stop him and complement him on his wonderful voice. Explain that you are a voiceover scout and might have a breakthrough commercial job for him. Ask if he wouldn’t mind doing a quick test. Ask him to say in a deep husky voice “May cause dizziness, diarrhea, vomiting and shortness of breath. A small number of participants in a recent clinical trial experienced weight loss, irregular clotting, abnormally frequent and/or painful urination and hair loss. Results may vary”

13. Ask how much it would take to get him to stop working as a telemarketer. Start at $1000. Say you are dead serious.

14. Ask if he will be your friend if you sign up.

15. Tie obscure facts about Barbara Streisand to everything thing he says,, “2.3% interest rate? oh my…did you know Barbara was 23 when she filmed Funny Girl…”

16. Every few minutes repeat, “You’re going to have to bear with me, I have a slight short term memory loss problem…who is this again?”

17. “Oh my god, I used to have your job…does Bob still work there (repeat names until you find a match)…which building are you in?” Escalate coincidence until you both realize that you sat in the same chair. Explain that you had to quit work when your genitals mysteriously vanished.

18. Regardless of the offer tell him you’ll take 7. If he asks what you mean say he drives a hard bargain and you’ll take 9, but that’s as far as you’ll go.

19. Every half-minute ask him to hold and pretend to scream at your invalid mother. “You want to use the bathroom??? Well stop whining and get up out of the wheelchair for a change. You just sit there and think about that for a while, mother. Can’t you see I’m on the damn phone?”

20. Forgive him. Tell him you did. Over and over again, until he hangs up. Then secretly take it back.

This is News?

This is not a funny topic, and it's kind of a no brainer, but I just loved this Doctors name. All of you smokers out there, PLEASE QUIT...

NEW YORK (Reuters Health) - For people with cancer of the larynx or lower pharynx, continuing to smoke or drink alcohol make it less likely that they'll survive, while eating a diet rich in vegetables and vitamin C improves their survival, a new study shows.

"One might think, now I that have cancer, what's the point of stopping smoking?
But there is clearly a benefit in doing that; it will improve your survival,"

Dr. Rajesh P. Dikshit commented to Reuters Health.

The rest of the story. Just because he's a Dikshit doesn't mean this isn't good advice.

Snow

Two Of Us

Right Click below and select play

OK, it's Over

I tried to bait him this morning (alright, no Master-Baiter jokes please)
so I sent this:

I guess you're too busy burning books to reply

And he responded with:

You should know that a good portion of what you've read has been a bit of a distortion. I never requested or suggested that anyone take down that tree. The principal and Governor did that. I just said I found the lotto tree to be inappropriate. That's it. Have a slow newsday and see what you get? I still stand by my comments, but it is sad frankly that they won't let those kids put up another tree. And, I get tagged for being the bad guy.

Go figure.

RT

Why do the right always think they're right?

OK is not Okay by Me

While looking at the internet last night, I saw a story about a guy in Oklahoma who was against kids using discarded lottery tickets as decoration on a Christmas tree. Main Story:

So I quoted this:
OKLAHOMA CITY - A Christmas tree that elementary school students decorated with discarded lottery tickets was removed from the state Capitol over the weekend after a lawmaker complained it was inappropriate. Rep. Randy Terrill, who opposes the lottery, said he spotted the tree onWednesday when it was erected as part of the governor's annual Christmas tree lighting ceremony. The Republican lawmaker called the Westwood Elementary School principal, who apologized and asked the governor's office to remove the tree.
You are ridiculous (was my response)

And he responded with:

Give me a break!
You seriously think having elementary school kids hang gambling paraphernalia on a CHRISTmas tree to be displayed at the capitol is appropriate and acceptable? I suppose you think pornography, cigarettes and beer cans would be ok too? Your email makes me wonder if you even know what the true meaning of CHRISTmas is? It's about celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ- who made the ultimate sacrifice to save mankind - by giving of ourself to others. It's not about exploiting and corrupting children by giving them a stack of lotto tickets, which is illegal, telling them to scratch them off, cut them into ornaments and hang them on a tree just to suck up to the Governor to win a contest. And the fact that you have no problem with that makes me wonder if you have any common sense. By excusing the twisted message it sends just because those kids put some effort into it, you obviously lack good judgement. I want to make one additional point. Whether it's placing gambling paraphernalia on a Christmas tree, permitting homosexuals to marry or taking God out of the Pledge, all of it is part of a bigger assault on traditional judeo-christian values. The only difference is this time, by using our own innocent and unwitting children as pawns in the culture war against us, they have really crossed the line. That's why I am truly stunned by your email.
Randy Terrill
State Representative
House District 53

To which I replied with:

I think that taking the colorful DISCARDED lottery tickets that are run by YOUR state to benefit the EDUCATION of the children of YOUR state is a clever and harmless idea. How do you derive hanging pornography, cigarettes and beer cans from what this story is about? Maybe you are describing YOUR tree Mr. Terrill. I do know what Christmas is about, it's about caring, giving, sacrifice, tolerance, things you seem to know little about. The kids are using discarded tickets for one, it is illegal for them to gamble and the fact that you don't even know this makes ME question YOUR awareness to the issuses in your own state. Then your knee-jerk connection from discarded lottery tickets to homosexuality to some assault on judeo-christian values shows what a psuedo patriot you really are. Next the kids will be made into Satan worshiping terrorists. How dare YOU question MY common sense. I won't even get near the Evolution vs ID question, you apparently haven't evolved at all and still believe in all of the fairy tales that you did as a child. 6 days and 'poof' the world is created. Let me know when the burning of the Harry Potter books is, I'll wear my white hood and join you while we burn crosses and books. Not everyone believes what you do Mr. Terrill, and as Martha Stewart would say,
'... and that's a good thing'
Have a Merry x-mas
P Gxxxxx

to be continued??????

JOKES

Okay, I'll admit it, I'm a lazy Blogger. So, to amuse myself and most of you, I found some good jokes. Enjoy....

One day little Suzy came home crying from the doctor's office. Her mother asked what had happened. "I had to take a blood test," Suzy said. "Oh, did the needle hurt your finger?" her mother asked. "It's not that, I flunked the test." "How could you flunk a blood test?" her mother asked. "Well, Rosie got an A+, Mary got a B-, and I got a O!"

What does DNA stand for?
The National Dsylexia Association.

Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him what?
A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis

A man walks into a pub one day and orders 3 pints of Guinness Stout from the barkeep. Since the man is new to the area, the barkeep doesn't know him and assumes that the man is ordering for friends who are yet to arive. Well, the man finds a table at the back of the pub and sits down alone to enjoy his beer. He takes a sip from the first and a sip from the second and a sip from the third, repeating this until all three pints are empty. When he returns to the bar to order three more the barkeep asks him why he ordered three pints at one time if he's drinking alone. The man explains that he and his two brothers have sworn a solem oath of tradition that whenever they are far away from each other and having a drink that they must also have a drink for the brothers whom they miss dearly. The barkeep agrees that it's a fine tradition. So the man becomes a regular and all the other regulars come to know him and of his oath with his brothers. Until one day the man walks into the pub, orders two pints of Guinness and takes his usual table at the back. The pub grows silent as all the people realize what this must mean. After the man finishes his two pints he returns to the bar to order two more. The barkeep says to him that the next two are on the house and that he's sorry to here about the loss of his brother. The man is confused for a minute and then replies, "No one has died, I gave up drinking for lent."

An Irish priest and a nun were driving through Transylvania one dark night. Suddenly a shape reared up in front of the car, and the priest jammed on the brakes. The figure spread its cape and said, "I vant to drink your blood!" "It's a vampire!" the priest yelled. "Quick, Sister, lean out the window and show him your cross!" And the nun leaned out and bellowed, "Get out of the road, ye worthless heathen idiot!"

Nuns - a Joke

Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game (with their habits partially blocking the view), three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I think I'm going to move to Utah, there are only 100 nuns living there." The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana, there are only 50 nuns living there. The third guy said, "I want to go to Idaho, there are only 25 nuns living there."
One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet calm voice said,
"Why don't you go to Hell...There aren't any Nuns living there."

Grif and I

	If the movie doesn't play, you can try this link or right click it and save to the desktop

Husband Care

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First case of bird flu in Florida

I would also like to congratulate Paula, my first blogging friend I made, on being the only person who noticed or commented that I changed the name of my blog like 2 weeks ago.
There is no prize, just a wink ;-)

HNT

That's all I have for today