From Time Magazine

"The President of Iran refused to attend a U.N. banquet because wine was being served. The Iranian President said he was afraid he'd get really drunk and say something pro-Semitic."
~CONAN O'BRIEN

"This is crazy. Police found a pound and a half of marijuana and psychedelic mushrooms in Willie Nelson's tour bus. Willie is nervous about this. He's afraid he may have to spend the rest of 1969 in jail."
~DAVID LETTERMAN