You say Al-Qaida, I Say al QaedaObviously They Didn't Get the Memo

Al-Qaida in Iraq role in bombing denied:
I guess the folks at the Associated Press have different guidelines than we do in the textbook publishing business. Didn't they read page 3 of my last post? Are they trying to start a war?
It's al Qaeda guys... no hyphen, no i's
Good grief!

Why I Dislike PC (political correctness)

I work for a publisher of textbooks and I happened on a Sensitivity Guidelines document. The top of page 3 cracked me up. Yeah, we don't want to get them REALLY pissed off at us.

Apologies

I know this probably isn't necessary, but there are many who visit here and comment. I read all comments but don't always respond. There are some who should be linked to my blog favs, I'm lazy and tired. I'll get around to it at some point.
~phil

Colbert Roasts President Bush 2006 White House Correspondents Dinner

Colbert Roasts President Bush -
2006 White House Correspondents Dinner
C-SPAN
24 min 10 sec - Apr 29, 2006
If there were any other country he would
have been shot after 5 minutes
God Bless America

Why do I Feel Like I'm Floyd R. Turbo?

This has been bothering me for a while, not big time, but I noticed that there are NO signs in my town that tell you what the hours for putting money in the parking meters are. One night I saw some guys getting out of their car at about 8 pm to go for pizza or something. They were ready to feed the meter before feeding themselves. I told them they didn't need to put money in and the guy thanked me. It's only $.25, but it's the reason, IMO, of why they don't have signs posted that gets me. It's either to get everybobody's quarter, or more likely, leave it imbiguous so people don't know what the rules are and then they can slap you with a $25.00 ticket so they can buy more donuts or whatever. So exerciseing my civic duty, I went to the local paper website and composed this letter (probably at 7 am). I obviously didn't really read what I wrote. I sound like Johnny Carson's character Floyd R. Turbo. It was my first time I ever wrote a paper about anything and also the first time I am in a paper that isn't either cancer related or being part of a group of 'unidentified youths...'

When do you feed the parking meters?
To the editor: I have noticed that there are no signs in the center of town that list what the hours are when you have to feed the parking meters. Unless you have searched them out, you have no idea what the hours are. It would be helpful to residents and visitors to have signs in the center of town listing the hours when you need to feed the meters.
Just a thought.
Phil G.
Monroe

Happy FFF *

* Furry Fox Friday
I saw this pup stalking something on my drive home yesterday. So many people passed her by without seeing her. I'm glad I stopped

Badges!!!

I can't help but think of this every time I walk into work

"Badges!? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinking badges!!"

First Day of Summer Part 2

I got home from work at 5:10, then went swimming for a bit. The water is a toasty 80 degrees. It really was a picture perfect day. About a half hour later I made some boneless chicken breasts on the grill. Dana likes BBQ sauce, that's it. I get a little more daring so I put some roasted peppers that I had gotten at the great Italian deli in town along with some fresh mozzarella cheese on top and let it melt. I also had some fresh organic spring onions that I grilled, organic asparagas, sugar snap peas and baby carrots (not the ones that are put on a lathe and shaped). The veggies I steamed for about 8 minutes so they were crisp. The kids were away for a bit so we ate poolside. It really hit the spot. After dinner Dana went to get Grif and i finished this cover I made for my kayak to keep the rain out of the hull since I have to keep it outside. I got VELCRO and made a great cover. VELCRO is amazing stuff. The guy who invented it got the idea from his dog who had wandered in to the thistle and the little sticky balls* were stuck all over the dog and a great invention was made. The dog hair brush! No, VELCRO. Anyway, I'm off subject. So after Dana and Grif got home I had to practically twist arms to get the two of them out on the kayak for a ride. Grif was easier because he wanted to go to the Country Deli that is right next to the lake. So I paddled them to the store then around the lake a bit. It was great to be outside and on the lake for the sunrise and the sunset on the longest day of the year. After getting back from the kayak ride, I swam a bunch more. Sorry to give such a blow by blow description of my day but this was a good one. Oh, and on the way home I stopped by some 3 kids who were selling lemonade for $.25 a glass. I gave them $.75. It was the WORST lemonade I ever tasted but it felt good.

*make up your own dirty joke. I already reached my quota for the day

Happy First Day of Summer

I got my ass out on the lake this morning before work and only did the short ride (about a mile). I can't believe how juiced I feel this morning because of it. I also saw a Belted Kingfisher. I had seen one two summers ago so I guess they're back. It's a really cool bird that dives into the water and catches fish (hence the name) . This isn't my photo, I tried to get closer but he wouldn't let me. Of course for some reason I think of a dirty bird joke.
Q: If Storks bring babies, what kind of bird doesn't bring babies?
A: Swallows
have a nice day
              

Another Boring Monday...

I don't know where to start. This has been one of the most remarkable days I've had in a long time. Some of you may find this hard to believe, others may think I got off easy today.
I woke up at 5 am, got in the shower (yada, yada, yada) I leave the house at 5:30 am for my weekly (and 65th) chemotherapy treatment in NYC. I get close to where I turn off (79th Street) and I'm on the phone with my wife for something and I pass my turn. I'm not a big phone guy, especially while driving. At any rate I have to go out of my way and while I'm still on the phone, I miss an opportunity to get back on track. FUCK. I say "I can't talk, TTYL". I get to my parking garage and leave the car. I actually catch the bus at the right time (this should have been taken as a warning. I always miss the 7am bus). I get over to SK on time and do the usual routine. I even told the scheduling person I didn't want Nurse Ratchet anymore. No problems. I get done, get back to my car and I'm off to work by 11:30 am. Not bad.

Oppps. Let me back up to Friday 6:30 pm. The window on Dana's car came off it's track. We had to bring it to the dealer on Saturday. They were going to set us up a rental/loaner today, Monday. Ok, so I go to work and the project that I am working on is a friggin nightmare. Aside from the fact that it is 2 months (or more) behind, there is one person who is handling part of the project in our sister site if you will. Well, this person is an idiot, I really don't know how else to put it. As they would say on Seinfeld, he is a Mimbo, a Male Bimbo. He's notorious for sending part of the information we need late, put in the wrong location, partial information, incorrect information or any and all of the above. So once again I have to deal with this shitstorm he created. I unravel the mystery and figure out how he did what he did. I tell him to resolve this or at least find out where the missing information is today by 4 pm. He is leaving at the end of this week. He's a total idiot. Wait, that's an insult to real idiots. Since the countdown has started, I created a web page in his honor. I mean, I'm fresh on chemo, on a few percocets (and other things) and I have to think for this guy too? They are supposed to cross the "T"s, dot the "i"s , cross the "T"s, check the "S"pelling. Whatta ya' got. Right, a BOOB. I'm checking the checker's checker work!!! I vent a little more then I feel better. I get a call from Dana that Enterprise Rental is picking her up so she can get the rental and go to work. I upload some different tunes to my iPod (or however the fuck you spell it) and leave to go home.

Now it's close to 90 degrees out, it's humid as can be and all I'm thinking is "pool, pool, pool, pool". So I get home, grab the mail, glance at it. Right away, the kids, plus the new adopted one from across the street are on me for something to eat. We had some hot dogs left over from yesterday so I throw the dogs on. I have my swim trunks on (yeah, my Speedo) and the phone rings. It's Dana.
dana "We have a MAJOR problem".
me "What?"
dana "I can't find my license"
me "is it in your wallet?"
dana "it's not where it's supposed to be"
me (thought bubble) "no kidding???"
me - actual words "did you check your entire wallet?"
dana "no"
me "well check it, maybe you out it back in the wrong spot?"
dana "no, it's not there"
me "when did you last have it out?"
dana "I don't know, I had it when I went to traffic court in April"
me "well is it in your car?"
dana "I don't know"
me "OK, I'll look around here and then go to the car dealer and look there"
dana "OK, TTYL"
she's in the middle of giving violin lessons.

I stop and check the mail again. I notice one of those credit card looking plain envelopes. It's addressed to her but I open it up. It's s new Kohl's Credit Card. Cool, I have one too, you get 15% off blah, blah, blah. I get in the car to go to the car dealer to check there. Oh, by the way, for Father's Day she got me a set Farberware cookware. She got the non stick stuff. I'd rather have stainless steel. We have to return it but the receipt is in her car. What's wrong with this picture? I do like to cook and I CAN cook so I DO cook. You regulars know what I mean. Then I think. She probably got the card so she could save $$$ on the cookware. Good thinking, 15% is 15%. Then I think, she had to have given her driver's license in order to get the credit card. The dealer is closer and they close earlier than Kohl's so I go there. I try to explain to this young girl that I need to look in the car. I don't know what part of this she didn't' get, but it went on for 5 minutes too long. I find the car (which has a window problem and was SUPPOSED to be garaged until it was fixed) Meanwhile, the thunder clouds are building and my swim is becoming an idea of the past. I find the car. I look in the front compartment, glove box, console, under front seats. Nothing. I look in the back seat, there's a bag sort of crunched up under the seat sort of from Kohl's with papers in it. BINGO It's in there. I call her. Enterprise closes at 6 pm, it's 5:55. I call her and ask her to go next door and tell them to start the paperwork. I go back to the girl at the car dealer and ask her to make sure the car is GARAGED because they TOLD me it WOULD be and it's GOING to RAIN. She assures me it will be. I get to Dana's place of work. I see her, I go next door and fill out all of the paperwork to get the rental. I get that done, walk next door, handed her the keys and she said "I OWE YOU BIG TIME".
Fuck the Farberware, I want this Emerilware Stainless Steel 14 Piece Cookware Set
It's only 7 pm, the night is young.....

PS: It's 8:20 pm, I went swimming and wasn't struck by lightning. It's turning out to be a good day after all :-)

Father's Day

Here are some photos from today's little BBQ. The top two are of Dana, I should post more of her.


The next one is Grif,

followed one of Meave with Dylan lounging last nights sleepover off.

Then, Larry (bro) is far left, then oldest daughter Meave, then daughter Mary.

Last, but not least, Dylan (hot and bothered it seems)

There is a kid who used to live (rent) our house with his Mom and brother. They live across the street now but they tried to buy our house but the dirtbad who owned it was, well, a dirtbag. We moved in and there was a little tenseness for a few months with the famlies. We have grown to be pretty good friends even though we don't party. The kids get together. Tyler is a little older than Dylan but they get along. Well, Tyler had a sleepover last night at our house. He had a good time, we even let them build a fire in the driveway so they could roast marshmallows. I can't believe we did it. At first I said no, but I caved. Today was a very good Fathers Day for me.

Can't Wait, But I Must :-(

I just bought tickets this week for the Eric Clapton concert on Sept 30th. He's is one of my favorite, if not my favorite guitarists. Often in teh past, I've put off seeing some concerts because I always firgured I catch them the next ime around. I must have passed up Stevie Ray Vaughn half a dozen times. I figured that Clapton is getting on in years and who knows how many tours he'll do, plus, I'm on somewhat thin ice myself so WTF. Plus the concert is 2 days after my 49th birthday ;-)















The 2006 tour band will consist of:
Eric Clapton - Guitar, Vocals
Doyle Bramhall II , Derek Trucks - Guitar
Chris Stainton , Tim Carmon - Keyboards
Willie Weeks - Bass
Steve Jordan - Drums
The Kick Horns: Simon Clarke, Roddy Lorimer, Tim Sanders on Brass
Michelle John , Sharon White- Backing Vocals

The Robert Cray Band will be the support act for Europe and US / Canada. The fall tour encompasses the eastern portion of the US and Canada.

Steve Martin: The Great Flydini

The Great Flydini

There Ought to Be a Law Against This

Happy Anniversary to Me

Right around now is my 1 year anniversary of blogging. I've written about 337 posts. That's a little less than one a day. I never thought that I would enjoy this as much as I do or have as much to say. I have the other blog too and many posts on that so I don't know what the grand total is. My first friend I met was Paula, I won't say I have favorites but I'm very lucky to know her. I've seen her blossom into an amazing photographer. But this post is about me, not her ;-)

I don't have anything special to post today. Oh, I could go on a rant about driving. I did my weekly trek into NYC this morning. It never ceases to amaze me that so many people can not grasp the concept of merging. It really goes back to being 5 years old. It's all about taking turns. Think about shuffling a deck a cards. The cards fall into place one after the other. Or it's like walking, left foot-right foot, left foot-right foot, left foot-right foot. But if I remember being 5, not everyone want to share or take turns nor do they know how to walk. Another thing is the sleaze. There could be a long line of cars waiting to exit from a highway and some a-hole feels that they are more important than everyone else so they go to the front of the line and sleaze in. If I had a gun I would shoot them no doubt. Every once in a while I have the privledge of seeing a cop waiting for this to happen and they pull the a-holes over. Another thing is the "I have to drive real fast and fit into the space that is just as big as my car is so I can mess with you because I am so important I need to be .005 seconds in front of you" and the equally popular "I have to be right up your ass because I can't get in front of you to fit into the space that is just as big as my car is so I can mess with you because I am so important I need to be .005 seconds in front of you" . When someone is tailgating me, if I am eating an apple or something I'll throw a piece of it out my window so it hopefully lands on their important car. My final gripe is the nonwave. I guess I really am an idiot but I feel that if some poor person is trying to merge into traffic or make a turn and no one is letting them do it, when I let them do it I expect the wave or some sort of recognition of my good deed. Isn't that what good deeds are all about? Having the person say what a good good-deed-doer you are. If they don't say it, what's the point of being nice?
What gets your goat when you are driving?
Oh, one time everyone was driving on the wrong side of the road. That really pissed me off until I realized I was in Ireland. Too much Guinness

PS - most of this is tongue in cheek, but not all of it is...

Schlepped

Fragile

	If the movie doesn't play, you can try this link or right click it and save to the desktop.

It's Friday

No, this isn't me. I don't even look this good. I was true to my word as far as wearing my Speedos goes. Trust me, I did you all a favor. The web cam is a blast for making posts.

This other picture, Find X, is supposedly from a math teacher. the email read "After careful scrutiny, it is our understanding that the student was given credit for the answer, but the board of education has warned math teachers to be more explicit in the future."
Hey, they found X....

Happy HNT - The Speedo

	If the movie doesn't play, you can try this link or right click it and save to the desktop.

HNT and My Speedo

On May 27th, I did a post where I took some video of me diving into my pool for the first time this year. Well, there were countless inquiries as to where my Speedo is (I can't count above two). Ten years ago, maybe even five, I still had a Speedo bod, but my 8 pak abs turned into a 6-pack gut, not to mention that I now have more stitches than Frankenstein. So I have decided, after much soul searching, that I will in fact post a picture of me in my Speedo for this week's HNT. I really should try to parlay this into some bikini shots or something, but I'm not that kind of a guy.... tune in Thursday!

It Takes All Types

666
The source

Unititled

I was in the city Monday as usual, and as I was heading back to get the cross-town bus I stopped at a sandwich shop to get something for lunch. I grab my stuff and walk uptown and as I'm crossing the street, I see this homeless man who had to be in his 60s (although it's always hard to tell how old they are) who looked like he hadn't bathed in months and he was rummaging through a garbage can, not looking for bottles or cans to return, but looking for and eating food out of the can. I took about 5 steps past him, then turned around and offered my sandwich to him. He didn't say a word but he was turning away from me and gesturing something at me. I put the lunch down and walked away. I hope he ate it.

I go up another two blocks then wait for the bus. I see a well dressed guy (about my age I guess) standing waiting and holding a Martin Guitar in it's case. He asks me how much the buses are since he hasn't been on them in a while. I told him $2 but you need a Metro card or coin change. He had neither. I have a card with about $20 on it so I tell him that I have his ride. We haggle but I won. He thanked me. We sat in different spots on the bus. After a few minutes I go over to him to talk guitars. He mentions we have something else in common and he shows me his LiveStrong bracelet. He's just getting done with treatments for Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Another odd thing was that he knew about, and knew a luthier who built, Gurian Guitars. It was a small shop in the city who relocated to New Hampshire in the late 70s where it burned down in the early 80s. Not many people have heard of the brand of Guitar. James Taylor plays one and Paul Simon records with one very often. It was a day of strange occurrences.

As far as the first story goes, a friend at work told me that he was probably an Angel. That stopped me in my tracks and made me think. I never would have thought that at all but who knows...

Happy Birthday Dad

Today would have been my Dad's 88th birthday. He was born on June 4th, 1918. This photo was taken on April 10th, 1942. He would have been about 24. He served in WWII over in Europe and North Africa chasing Rommel (The Desert Rat). He didn't see heavy fighting but he was a many famous places right after many famous things happened. there was one funny story that I remeber him telling where him and his company were coming into a friendly German village and he had his hands up over his head saying something like "nicht scheißen" which he thought was "don't shoot". Instead, he actually had said the German for "Don't Shit" which is something like "nicht schießen" (that old i before e thing).

He was also a very good harmonic player. He almost played with the group the Harmonicats. Unfortunately he had a pretty major stroke when I was 18 and he really could never play again. I had always wished that we had the chance to jam together, who knows if that would have happened. This other picture was taken maybe 20 years ago or so, Maybe a little longer. He died on August 3, 1989. He never got to see my kids.
I miss him...

Prince Charming?

Charmed woman marries cobra in India.
BHUBANESWAR, India (AFP) - A woman who fell in love with a snake has married the reptile at a traditional Hindu wedding celebrated by 2,000 guests in India's Orissa state, reports said. Bimbala Das wore a silk saree for the ceremony Wednesday at Atala village near the Orissa state capital Bhubaneswar.
(What did the groom do? Shed into a Tuxedo?)
Priests chanted mantras to seal the union, but the snake failed to come out of a nearby ant hill where it lives, the Press Trust of India (PTI) said on Friday. A brass replica snake stood in for the hesitant groom...
(if you need to read more)

Now I can imagine many of you women readers thinking "Oh yeah, I married a snake in the grass" or "What a sneaky snake my husband is..."

I found this part interesting too:

"Though snakes cannot speak nor understand, we communicate in a peculiar way,"
Das, 30, told the agency.

Sounds like a lot of us men, doesn't it. It is a slow day for me, hence the strange news story. I am a fan of the "Odd News" portion of Yahoo. Many stories are just so weird. Has anyone been checking ZeFrank at all? Or how about the 20 Questions site? They are always good for some fun. This has got to be one of the lamest posts I ever made...

I could tell you about my exciting day making kick ass pancakes for the kids, then going to Kohl's to return something, then going food shopping, then working on two web sites, then cleaning my car, then making a kick ass dinner (with a beer - I know, I'm a bad boy) then making this post...but I'll spare you all the details.

Sixteen Things That Took Me 50 Years To Learn

by Dave Barry

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not "achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential", that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

FINAL Thought for the day!
16. Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes and it is up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they are turned into something acceptable to have dinner with.